Jeffrey Fehr
Jeffrey was just eighteen years old when he hanged himself in the front entrance of his family's home on New Years Day.
Despite having recently ended a relationship and being treated for depression, Jeffrey's parents believe that the years of bullying, taunting and cruel teasing that their son was forced to endure finally became too much for him to deal with.
Jeffrey was openly gay and supported unconditionally by his family and friends. He was often described as a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate, it appeared that Jeffrey had everything to live for. Unfortunately, like so many victims of bullying, Jeffrey hid his pain well, choosing instead to show his tormentors that their words and actions didn't hurt him. It's a common reaction for victims of bullying. We become incredibly good at fooling those close to us that life is good, while in truth, we're dying inside. The image he portrayed was that of a happy, content, young man, but he could not hide his past from his family, who were well aware of the torment he endured throughout his life.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
Despite having recently ended a relationship and being treated for depression, Jeffrey's parents believe that the years of bullying, taunting and cruel teasing that their son was forced to endure finally became too much for him to deal with.
Jeffrey was openly gay and supported unconditionally by his family and friends. He was often described as a gifted young athlete who was funny, kind and compassionate, it appeared that Jeffrey had everything to live for. Unfortunately, like so many victims of bullying, Jeffrey hid his pain well, choosing instead to show his tormentors that their words and actions didn't hurt him. It's a common reaction for victims of bullying. We become incredibly good at fooling those close to us that life is good, while in truth, we're dying inside. The image he portrayed was that of a happy, content, young man, but he could not hide his past from his family, who were well aware of the torment he endured throughout his life.
As early as the third grade, Jeffrey was the target of taunts, family members said. He had few friends and felt comfortable only when he was at home or on vacation with people he trusted.
"He would come home from school and cry. He would say he felt alone, that he wasn't accepted for the things he liked." ~ Tyler Fehr, Jeffrey's brother.
It was in the sixth grade that people first started calling him fag. It broke my heart that he was abused that way," ~ Patti Fehr, Jeffrey's Mom.
Unfortunately, early school life became an almost unbearable ordeal for Jeffrey and his parents decided to send him to counseling. They tried to build his confidence, but it was continuously shattered by those who bullied him. His parents encouraged him to pursue his interests, including art, theatre and dance. Later, they sought treatment for his depression.
When Jeffrey started to attend High School, his parents hoped it would signal a fresh start in his life - A new beginning with new friends and most importantly, no bullies. Unfortunately, his parents say that his first two years at High School were "pure hell". He was teased on a daily basis. He had his lunch tray knocked from his hands in the cafeteria, bullies wrote homophobic slurs outside Jeffrey's home and his life became unbearable.
When Jeffrey started to attend High School, his parents hoped it would signal a fresh start in his life - A new beginning with new friends and most importantly, no bullies. Unfortunately, his parents say that his first two years at High School were "pure hell". He was teased on a daily basis. He had his lunch tray knocked from his hands in the cafeteria, bullies wrote homophobic slurs outside Jeffrey's home and his life became unbearable.
"He would literally hang his head when I dropped him off at school. It was just awful for him." ~ Steve Fehr, Jeffrey's Dad.
When Jeffrey made the decision to "Come Out" to his family and friends, everyone supported him. His parents were proud of his bravery and for embracing who he was. According to them, he seemed to blossom once his sexuality was no longer a secret.
He joined the high school cheer squad, whose members previously had been all girls, and found a community that adored him. As a senior he was the team's captain, and mastered handsprings, backflips and other feats. Later he joined an elite competitive team.
Jeffrey's body grew strong and muscular, and at 6 feet, 3 inches tall he towered over his teammates. He flashed a brilliant smile and had a posse of close friends, mostly girls a couple of years younger than he.
He had many young fans, but the taunting never quite went away. Friends recall ugly words shouted in student sections at games, and adults who said they wouldn't let their sons do something as "girly" as cheering. If others whispered about Jeffrey's sexuality or teased him, the girls told them to stop.
He joined the high school cheer squad, whose members previously had been all girls, and found a community that adored him. As a senior he was the team's captain, and mastered handsprings, backflips and other feats. Later he joined an elite competitive team.
Jeffrey's body grew strong and muscular, and at 6 feet, 3 inches tall he towered over his teammates. He flashed a brilliant smile and had a posse of close friends, mostly girls a couple of years younger than he.
He had many young fans, but the taunting never quite went away. Friends recall ugly words shouted in student sections at games, and adults who said they wouldn't let their sons do something as "girly" as cheering. If others whispered about Jeffrey's sexuality or teased him, the girls told them to stop.
"Cheer gave him a lot of acceptance, because it was something he was really good at it" ~ Shayla Chock, fellow squad member.
Although the bullying continued through High School, Jeffrey continued to appear happy and content. Friends thought he simply brushed the insults aside like dead bugs and thought no more of them. He appeared to be well adjusted, confident and happy - a young man with the world at his feet.
By the time Jeffrey graduated High School and started attending College, he rarely spoke about the bullying that had plagued him his entire life but his family suspected that the psychological effects of the abuse still troubled him deeply.
He found it difficult making new friends at college and became something of a loner. Gone was the supportive circle of friends he'd had on the Cheer Squad at High School. College was a whole new ballgame.
He had a nice Christmas with his family, and then, a few days later, he drove to Los Angeles to see a boy he'd met. He called his parents while he was gone, and said everything was fine.
Jeffrey's parents went away the following weekend, and only spoke to their son on the telephone. He told them that the relationship with the boy he's met wasn't going to work out but they had agreed to remain friends. That was the last time they would ever speak with him.
By the time Jeffrey graduated High School and started attending College, he rarely spoke about the bullying that had plagued him his entire life but his family suspected that the psychological effects of the abuse still troubled him deeply.
He found it difficult making new friends at college and became something of a loner. Gone was the supportive circle of friends he'd had on the Cheer Squad at High School. College was a whole new ballgame.
He had a nice Christmas with his family, and then, a few days later, he drove to Los Angeles to see a boy he'd met. He called his parents while he was gone, and said everything was fine.
Jeffrey's parents went away the following weekend, and only spoke to their son on the telephone. He told them that the relationship with the boy he's met wasn't going to work out but they had agreed to remain friends. That was the last time they would ever speak with him.
Jeffrey spent New Years Eve by himself. His Mom telephoned to see how he was but Jeffrey didn't answer the call. The next morning, New Years Day, his Mom sent him a text message, but again there was no response.
Understandably worried, Jeffrey's Mom then telephoned his friend Shayla, and asked her if she and her Mom would mind stopping by to make sure Jeffrey was okay. They agreed, and ultimately found him hanging from a rope near the front door.
No one knows if there was a deciding factor in Jeffrey's decision to end his life but his family had no doubt that the years of bullying played an integral part in the decision he made. He felt beaten down, worthless and alone.
Understandably worried, Jeffrey's Mom then telephoned his friend Shayla, and asked her if she and her Mom would mind stopping by to make sure Jeffrey was okay. They agreed, and ultimately found him hanging from a rope near the front door.
No one knows if there was a deciding factor in Jeffrey's decision to end his life but his family had no doubt that the years of bullying played an integral part in the decision he made. He felt beaten down, worthless and alone.
"We have so many questions that will never have answers. But I do know that something was taken away from Jeff because of all those years he was bullied. He carried around that pain. A bully might say something and forget about it in 10 seconds. But people like Jeff never forget those words." ~ Steve Fehr, Jeffrey's Dad.
Almost 1000 people gathered at a small church in Granite Bay, California to say goodbye and pay their last respects to Jeffrey Fehr. A memorial wall was created for friends and relatives to write messages on, to share their grief and loss of a much loved young man.
Jeffrey's Father called for "acceptance of diversity". He and his family had loved Jeffrey unconditionally and fully supported their son when he went public about his sexuality.
No one has ever taken responsibility for the bullying that undoubtedly contributed to Jeffrey's death. School Officials accepted the fact that Jeffrey had experienced a few "struggles" over the years but didn't feel that the behavior of any individual accused of bullying Jeffrey warranted disciplinary action.
Bullying is like a virus, once it takes hold, it latches on, festers and threatens to consume it's host. Only those who have experienced bullying firsthand can understand the psychological consequences that often accompany an individual long after the actual bullying has stopped. For Jeffrey, it simply became too much and it continued to weigh heavily on his mind and ultimately lead to his decision to commit suicide.
Jeffrey's Father called for "acceptance of diversity". He and his family had loved Jeffrey unconditionally and fully supported their son when he went public about his sexuality.
No one has ever taken responsibility for the bullying that undoubtedly contributed to Jeffrey's death. School Officials accepted the fact that Jeffrey had experienced a few "struggles" over the years but didn't feel that the behavior of any individual accused of bullying Jeffrey warranted disciplinary action.
Bullying is like a virus, once it takes hold, it latches on, festers and threatens to consume it's host. Only those who have experienced bullying firsthand can understand the psychological consequences that often accompany an individual long after the actual bullying has stopped. For Jeffrey, it simply became too much and it continued to weigh heavily on his mind and ultimately lead to his decision to commit suicide.
So many people gained strength from Jeff. The unfortunate part is that Jeff didn't realize it. We will second-guess ourselves forever, but we do know that for years and years, people knocked him down for being different. It damaged him. It wore on him. He could never fully believe how wonderful he was, and how many people loved him." ~ Steve Fehr, Jeffrey's Dad.