Justin Aaberg
Fifteen year old Justin told his family that he was gay when he was just thirteen years old. A confident, happy young man with vibrant personality, Justin was known for always having a smile on his face and a kind word for everyone. To most people, including his family, it appeared like he had the perfect life - an all American boy with the world at his feet. He was popular with lots of friends, known for his compassion and could always be counted on for support when his friends needed it. He was always there for them, for anyone who needed a shoulder to cry on. He was an extremely good cello player and composed a few of his own songs. He was happy-go-lucky, fun to be around and a pleasure to know.
Like many victims of bullying, Justin didn't tell his family about the horrors he was experiencing at school - The teasing, the physical abuse, the daily tirade of hostility towards him that made his life a living hell. It's a question that a lot of people ask in these situations. Why didn't he tell his family how bad things were?
In many cases, bullied teens don't tell their family because most of the time, doing so would "out" them as being gay, and for many, it's not a risk worth taking. Admitting that you're the victim of homophobic bullying would automatically raise the question of sexuality.
This of course didn't apply to Justin because his family already knew that he was gay. Admitting that you're being bullied is a difficult thing to do. It raises feelings of humiliation and the last thing anyone wants is to have their family feel sorry for them. We all want our parents to be proud of us. We don't want them to think that we're weak. Unfortunately, for victims of bullying, that's exactly how me feel. Weak, powerless and humiliated that we're having to endure it.
More often than not, bullied teens tend not to tell their parents or school officials because they don't want to make matters worse with the bullies. Many often feel that it's sometimes better to put on a brave face, say everything is fine and suffer in silence - Which is exactly what Justin did.
Like many victims of bullying, Justin didn't tell his family about the horrors he was experiencing at school - The teasing, the physical abuse, the daily tirade of hostility towards him that made his life a living hell. It's a question that a lot of people ask in these situations. Why didn't he tell his family how bad things were?
In many cases, bullied teens don't tell their family because most of the time, doing so would "out" them as being gay, and for many, it's not a risk worth taking. Admitting that you're the victim of homophobic bullying would automatically raise the question of sexuality.
This of course didn't apply to Justin because his family already knew that he was gay. Admitting that you're being bullied is a difficult thing to do. It raises feelings of humiliation and the last thing anyone wants is to have their family feel sorry for them. We all want our parents to be proud of us. We don't want them to think that we're weak. Unfortunately, for victims of bullying, that's exactly how me feel. Weak, powerless and humiliated that we're having to endure it.
More often than not, bullied teens tend not to tell their parents or school officials because they don't want to make matters worse with the bullies. Many often feel that it's sometimes better to put on a brave face, say everything is fine and suffer in silence - Which is exactly what Justin did.
On July 9th, 2010, Justin hanged himself in his bedroom. His was found by his Mother and brothers who, after initially thinking that he was sleeping late, became concerned when he refused to answer their calls through his locked bedroom door. Justin had been dead for several hours before his body was found and his Mom knew there was no hope. Her boy had gone.
Only after Justin's death did his family learn of how badly he was being bullied at school. Friends of Justin came forward to tell their stories, to share with the Aaberg's exactly what Justin went through - Such as an incident where bullies grabbed his testicles tightly and laughed in his face, claiming that he enjoyed it.
To Mrs. Aaberg's horror, many of those same students confided in her that they too were suffering similar fates to Justin at school, how they were harassed by bullies and felt unsafe, just because they too were LGBT.
Only after Justin's death did his family learn of how badly he was being bullied at school. Friends of Justin came forward to tell their stories, to share with the Aaberg's exactly what Justin went through - Such as an incident where bullies grabbed his testicles tightly and laughed in his face, claiming that he enjoyed it.
To Mrs. Aaberg's horror, many of those same students confided in her that they too were suffering similar fates to Justin at school, how they were harassed by bullies and felt unsafe, just because they too were LGBT.
On July 9, 2010, my son Justin still wasn’t awake at 2:00 p.m. when my then 7-year-old son Anthony and I returned from getting our new baby chinchilla. This wasn’t normal, and so, after knocking on his door and frantically calling his name and threatening to break the door down, my oldest son, Andrew — who was 18 at the time — heard me and yelled that he would go get a screwdriver. After getting the door open, I didn’t see Justin at first, but as I walked in, I saw my son dead by his own hand. I screamed his name and ran up to him, as I wanted to hug him, but quickly realized that Justin wasn’t there anymore. He had obviously been dead for several hours. I stopped and touched 2 fingers to his chest and felt how cold and rubbery he was — I ran screaming out of the bedroom to call 911. Anthony stayed right with me, and a couple of days later I would learn than Andrew had stayed by his brother’s side until the police came, as he didn’t want to leave Justin alone." - Tammy Aaberg, Justin's Mother
Justin's suicide was the seventh within the same school district, in just one year and Mrs. Aaberg made it her prime concern to make sure that appropriate changes were made to official policies regarding bullying so that no other child would suffer the way Justin had.
Mrs. Aaberg strongly believes that homophobia at a high level is responsible for a lack of anti gay bullying initiatives within the school district. The policy that teachers had to follow during the time of Justin's death was to remain neutral and basically not get involved.
In a testimony she gave to the Anoka-Hennepin School Board, Mrs. Aaberg said that her son was bullied because of his sexual orientation. She blamed the district for not intervening to stop the bullying, accusing district administrators of tying teachers’ hands with a policy that kept teachers from being able to reach out and help these hurting students.
Mrs. Aaberg strongly believes that homophobia at a high level is responsible for a lack of anti gay bullying initiatives within the school district. The policy that teachers had to follow during the time of Justin's death was to remain neutral and basically not get involved.
In a testimony she gave to the Anoka-Hennepin School Board, Mrs. Aaberg said that her son was bullied because of his sexual orientation. She blamed the district for not intervening to stop the bullying, accusing district administrators of tying teachers’ hands with a policy that kept teachers from being able to reach out and help these hurting students.
"I’m not asking you to accept this as a lifestyle for you, I’m only asking that you please make the school safe for GLBT students still alive and in this district today they are people just like us and deserve to be treated like the rest of us. Suicide should not feel like the only way to take away the pain and shame.” - Tammy Aaberg, Justin's Mother
Since Justin's death, Mrs. Aaberg continues to fight to make schools a safer place for LGBT students. She has become a hands-on anti bullying advocate. For this I applaud her. If she is able to prevent one teen death due to bullying then her son's death will not have been completely in vain.