Jamie Hubley
Fifteen year old Jamie's passion in life was figure skating. His parents enrolled him classes when he was a small boy and over the years, he started to excel in the sport. He loved being on the the ice, he loved the artistry and passion of the choreography, but most of all he loved the escapism it gave him away from the life he was forced to endure at school - A life of torment, depression, loneliness and heartache.
Jamie was bullied, beaten, tormented and ridiculed for being gay but the bullying began long before his sexuality was public knowledge. The bullying began because of his passion for figure skating. While other boys in school were infatuated with ice hockey, they saw Jamie's interest in skating as girly thing - a hobby for girls and gay boys.
And so it began. Initially the abuse came in the form of name calling and crude jibes about him being gay but it quickly escalated into physical abuse. On one occasion, while taking the bus to school, bullies assaulted him and forced him to swallow several batteries. He didn't tell his parents. According to Jamie's family, it wasn't in his nature to fight back or ask for help. He didn't like to worry people and often pretended that everything in his life was fine. He behavior however, proved otherwise, as he slowly began to close himself off from the rest of the world.
In time, Jamie's parents discovered what happened to their son on the school bus and they immediately removed him from the school. It was apparent to them that he was struggling, although he would never admit it himself.
Jamie was bullied, beaten, tormented and ridiculed for being gay but the bullying began long before his sexuality was public knowledge. The bullying began because of his passion for figure skating. While other boys in school were infatuated with ice hockey, they saw Jamie's interest in skating as girly thing - a hobby for girls and gay boys.
And so it began. Initially the abuse came in the form of name calling and crude jibes about him being gay but it quickly escalated into physical abuse. On one occasion, while taking the bus to school, bullies assaulted him and forced him to swallow several batteries. He didn't tell his parents. According to Jamie's family, it wasn't in his nature to fight back or ask for help. He didn't like to worry people and often pretended that everything in his life was fine. He behavior however, proved otherwise, as he slowly began to close himself off from the rest of the world.
In time, Jamie's parents discovered what happened to their son on the school bus and they immediately removed him from the school. It was apparent to them that he was struggling, although he would never admit it himself.
Jamie was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication to help. He also attended therapy sessions but it was difficult for his family to determine whether or not Jamie was benefiting from it.
Like many victims of bullying, Jamie hid is heartache well. He appeared ever jovial and seldom spoke of any negative experience he had with bullies. Sometimes we do this because we're ashamed - ashamed that our loved ones will think we're weak. Sometimes pretending everything fine is a defense mechanism. Sometimes we just want to escape the reality if life by not dwelling on everything that is slowly dragging us down. We all deal with things differently, and although it was painfully obvious that Jamie was terribly unhappy, he continued to pretend that everything was fine. Unfortunately, things were far from fine.
Like many victims of bullying, Jamie hid is heartache well. He appeared ever jovial and seldom spoke of any negative experience he had with bullies. Sometimes we do this because we're ashamed - ashamed that our loved ones will think we're weak. Sometimes pretending everything fine is a defense mechanism. Sometimes we just want to escape the reality if life by not dwelling on everything that is slowly dragging us down. We all deal with things differently, and although it was painfully obvious that Jamie was terribly unhappy, he continued to pretend that everything was fine. Unfortunately, things were far from fine.
"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school. It f***ing sucks. I really want to end it. Like all of it, I'm not getting better. There's 3 more years of high school left. I've been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I’ve been depressed since January. How f***ing long is this going to last. People said “It gets better”. Its f***ing bull****. I go to see a psychologist, What the f*** are they supposed to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? I give up." ~ A post written by Jamie on his blog
Jamie spoke candidly about being bullied on his blog. He talked about his depression, his self harming and his sexuality. He spoke about his loneliness and about wanting a boyfriend. He wanted someone to love him. By blogging, he was able to release his emotions, to open up and say how he felt - something he never quite seemed able to do with family, friends, or indeed therapists.
Despite feeling as though his own life were crumbling around him, Jamie wanted to help other students at his school who were struggling with their sexuality or being bullied. It's not unusual for victims of bullying to want to help others. We do it because we know how it feels to hit rock bottom and to be held there by the constant presence of bullies. We also do it because helping others is a way for us to subconsciously deal with our own problems, a way of making us feel less alone, and for the briefest of moments, when we manage to lift someone else's mood, we feel good about ourselves, we feel worthy.
He decided to create a club to support these youth and called it the Rainbow Club. The idea of helping others seemed to inspire him and fill him with a new purpose. He created some hand-made posters advertising the club and asked school officials for permission to put them up in the school hallways. They agreed. Unfortunately, after Jamie put up his posters, his tormentors simply tore them down and ridiculed him. It was possibly the last straw, but we will never know for certain whether it was an individual event of the accumulation of several years worth of bullying that lead to Jamie committing suicide. His final post on his blog gives a clear indication of his mood and what he intended to do.
Despite feeling as though his own life were crumbling around him, Jamie wanted to help other students at his school who were struggling with their sexuality or being bullied. It's not unusual for victims of bullying to want to help others. We do it because we know how it feels to hit rock bottom and to be held there by the constant presence of bullies. We also do it because helping others is a way for us to subconsciously deal with our own problems, a way of making us feel less alone, and for the briefest of moments, when we manage to lift someone else's mood, we feel good about ourselves, we feel worthy.
He decided to create a club to support these youth and called it the Rainbow Club. The idea of helping others seemed to inspire him and fill him with a new purpose. He created some hand-made posters advertising the club and asked school officials for permission to put them up in the school hallways. They agreed. Unfortunately, after Jamie put up his posters, his tormentors simply tore them down and ridiculed him. It was possibly the last straw, but we will never know for certain whether it was an individual event of the accumulation of several years worth of bullying that lead to Jamie committing suicide. His final post on his blog gives a clear indication of his mood and what he intended to do.
"I'm a casualty of love. Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore. First I'd like to mention my friends Nancy, Abby, Colleen, Jemma, and Kasia. Being sad is sad. I’ve been like this for way too long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant f***ing stand any f***ing thing. I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either, I love my mom and dad. Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not. I hit rock f***ing bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck. My favorite singers were Lady Gaga, Adele , Katy Perry, Jessie James, Christina Aguilara and most of all I think Kasia I LOVED Singing, and she helped me a lot. I'm not that good at it though. I'm going to miss you guys (well You know who you are, But to the people who didn't like me (many) A big f*** you, Go ride a unicorn. Remember me as a Unicorn. Maybe in my next life I'll be a flying squirrel. I'll fly away."